The Ebbs and Flows of #Married Life

As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, my hubby has an intense rehearsal schedule.  Add that to us both having full-time jobs  and our baby boy and getting quality time in has proven to be quite a challenge.  In general, we live a life that is all about grinding.  Checking things off of our to-do lists, making money, acquiring “things”.  I think most of us are guilty of this.  Sometimes, time goes by so quickly and your “busy flow” becomes the status quo.  A place where you don’t truly connect with the people closest to you.  In my marriage, I noticed this sometimes leads to us quarrelling over the silliest things and just a general disconnect.  Why didn’t you take out the trash?Did you really send him to school with mismatch socks? OMG you left the light on in the bathroom again.  Did you really just leave your underwear in the bathroom for the 4th day in a row??

You get the point.

In the New Year when I was making my resolutions, my marriage was at the top of my list.  I wanted to nurture it and deepen the bond I have with my husband.  After a lot of trial and error, here are the things that I believe put us in the best place more often than not and I think they can be applied to any relationship including friendships:

  1. Communication – I truly miss my husband when we don’t speak.  We were friends for a year before taking things to the next level and so we have always had a relationship where we talked.  We are best friends and he is the best person for me to gossip toJ  There are days when I am already sleeping by the time he gets home and I leave in the morning before he is up so that would be a day where I didn’t get any “facetime”.  No can do.  I have decided that I have to see him at some point.  Even if that means, I go to work a bit later, then so be it.  I will also call him at work and vice versa to chat about anything besides routine “housekeeping”.  As long as you are talking, there is room for improvement and a deeper connection.
  2. Quality Alone Time aka Date Night – Before our son, we used to go out all the time.  After our son, we felt so guilty leaving him despite my mother in law staying with us for 5 months.  (Free childcare that we hardly took advantage of. *facepalm*) Now, we try our hardest to go out once a week without Luca.  My son’s daycare has a parent’s night out that gives us a few hours or we just book our babysitter.  Even on days when we get out of work mid-day, we’ll meet for a drink or a bite to eat just to pow wow and chill.  This time to connect with each other is priceless and truly positively impacts our relationship. 
  3. Kind Words – I’m guilty of not truly appreciating my hubs sometimes and you know what happens when people feel undervalued?  A breeding ground for contempt.  Of course sometimes my husband does things that I have to do over or that I feel I could have done better but I try to acknowledge his effort and express gratitude for his help.  He does the same for me.  When I get that “thank you for making dinner baby” or “you did a good job organizing this”, it truly warms my heart and also makes me realize that I’m officially an ADULT or OLD *gasp* but that’s for another post.

What do you do to reset your relationship/friendship?  Please do share!