Let an 'Ex' Be a 'X'

Recently I had an ex-boyfriend crawl out of the woodwork.  Up until this point, we were definitely “friendly” exes.  We sent each other well wishes on birthdays and major holidays.  We celebrated each other’s life events (via text of course).  But truth be told, there was always something brewing under the surface.  The occasional inappropriate suggestion, the rather not so innocent request, although I had literally moved on, some of our interactions always made me think.  We dated over a decade ago and naturally, so much had transpired for both of us.  We were always in contact but somehow the “trickle back” was always in effect.  More so for him, than me.  When the New Year arrived, I did the mandatory “Happy New Year” text.  To be completely honest, I didn’t think about it much.  Sometimes I go into auto-pilot which is a horrible perfunctory habit of mine.  So I texted and he never responded.  A month later, I still hadn’t heard from him so I sent an email, “Did you decide to stop speaking to me in the New Year?”.  If I am completely honest, I really didn’t care one way or the other but since we were locked in this dance, I was a little confused when he decided to leave the dance floor.  Well, he didn’t respond.  Fast forward to a few weeks ago…

You-have-new-mail. (Said in annoying robotic voice) Just joking. I clearly don’t have AOL but these are my inner musings sometimes when a “random” text, email or alert comes in.  It read something along the lines of “you doin’ ok?  Just wanted to say hi. Hope all is well with you and your family..blah blah blah”.  Whaaaat? Well, I responded.  Again, on auto-pilot.  Plus, I wasn’t emotionally tied to him so it didn’t take anything out of me to respond with a few quick lines.  But then I thought about it.  During our exchange, I learned that he really didn’t know why he stopped talking to me and since we weren’t connected on FB anymore, he was really checking to make sure that I was still breathing or so he said.

I promise you, I did not make any of that up.  I went through a few emotions…

First, DISBELIEF.  Why wouldn’t I be ok?  And if I wasn’t ok, what exactly was he going to do about it?

Second, CONFUSION.  Why would you be allowed to be privy to my life’s details even though you stopped speaking to me and you don’t even know why?

Third, SELF-DISAPPOINTMENT.  Why does someone who means so little to me, provoke this much reflection?

Fourth, RESOLUTE.  Why do I even care?  After so many years of this pointless back and forth, I realized that my life was the same whether we were in touch or not.  I also realized that a grand declaration or dramatic exodus wasn’t necessary.  Only I had to know that this person doesn’t add much value to my life and the pointless random moments of communication should cease.  After all these are precious minutes I could devote to something else…so I blocked him!  Relieving myself completely of his entire existence.

How many of you go through this same thing? Doesn’t always have to be an ex.  It can be a friend, job, situation.  As the saying goes, “if you go back for seconds, you get more of the same meal”.  I don’t want to live my life on auto-pilot.  I don’t want to have meaningless people and situations be the status quo.  I want to clear “randoms” and make room for the truly inspiring, valuable and uplifting people that belong in my life.  I think it’s easy to get comfortable even when something isn’t what you want it to be.  Sometimes we have relationships with people out of habit despite them not being positive connections.  We’re just used to them but they aren’t really the best presence for us.  Sometimes it would shake things up too much to make a change but usually you just have to ask yourself one question,Is this really what I want? Then, let the answer to that question be your guide!