Sugar and Spice in My Urban Jungle
I absolutely fell in love with this dress at one of my new favorite spots, &Other Stories. Such a classically feminine look and so simplistically chic.
Sometimes, I look at photos of myself and wish this could truly be my character all the time. Relaxing for a moment. Taking a minute to literally smell flowers. Enjoying the beauty of nature. Living in the "now".
Instead, my reality is wrought sometimes, with a panicky state of 'mom guilt'. Am I present enough with my baby? I often struggle with the balance between trying to make headway on my own personal goals, and spending enough quality time with him.
A couple of nights ago, I picked him up from daycare and had to take him to the grocery store. Despite placing an order with Amazon Fresh, they didn't have everything I needed and I failed to get around to this over the weekend. This was disappointing for me because after I pick him up from daycare, I only have a few quality hours to spend with him before it's off to bed. I certainly didn't want to eat up that time, shopping.
Sometimes I feel so incredibly bad about rushing my son. He even repeats phrases from time to time that I use often, "we have to hit the road, mommy", "we are late, mommy", and "we are in a hurry, mommy". On Monday night, we made dinner, he took a bath, did counting flashcards, read a book, did our usual night time prep, and then, it was off to bed. All of this in the time span of 2 hours. I pushed his bedtime a little bit later than usual.
I grapple with pangs of guilt from time to time. Although my son is my life's motivation, sometimes we work so hard to build things for other people or for ourselves, that we fail to give everyone the one thing they need most. Quality time. Our presence. To show up.
My ongoing goal is to be present and to acknowledge the strides I do make instead of beating myself up about all the extras I should and could be doing. As much as is humanly possible for a Type A like myself :)
Do you suffer from self-imposed guilt? How do you get out of the cycle of beating yourself up for not being better?
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Photography by Abi Polinsky