Yes You Can Be A Mother & Sexy At the Same Time
Something happens as you descend into the land of ‘mommyhood’. You trade cheap takeout for home cooked meals. Thursday night hangouts are no longer, or drastically reduced, and not without a lot of advanced planning. Dancing Saturday nights that seamlessly flowed into a bottomless boozy brunch Sunday, are just Saturday nights at home and early Sunday mornings that begin with a wake-up call of a small person jumping in your bed.
You sacrifice a lot of your pre-Mommy self, but the beautiful thing about this particular sacrifice is that you don't really view it as a sacrifice per se, because you enjoy the time you spend with your child. In fact, personally speaking, I'm happy I had my son in my 30s because I had an extensive social calendar in my 20s and would have definitely felt like I was missing out on something. Nowadays, while I do have the occasional night out that I miss, I'm very happy to stay in, most days. There's also the very real fact that I probably would be snoring on the bar at 11p, as opposed to getting ready to head out of my home at that time. I'm embarrassed to share the number of times my husband and I have crashed on each other in the living room while watching tv.
Suffice to say, things change a lot after having a child. Now that it's been 3½ years, I feel more like my pre-mother self in many ways, but I still sometimes grapple with the concept that it is indeed possible that being maternal and sexy can dwell in the same body.
In the early stages of having a baby, I felt like a stranger in my own body. I lost the weight pretty quickly, thanks to breastfeeding and genetics, but I still didn't feel like myself. For the first week, I would shower and get right back into my robe. However, it only took my husband questioning me once on just how long I intended to do that, before I nipped that habit in the butt. However, the sentiment of throwing my hands up, and wanting to live in leggings persisted. It’s what I felt comfortable in and anything beyond that required energy, a commodity I was very short on while I was adjusting to life with a baby.
Fast-forward to present day, I wouldn't say I was ever the kind of woman that had the smiles of my buttcheeks hanging out of some short shorts on a hot summer day (no judgment) but I definitely wasn't much of a conservative dresser, either. However, I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve thought to myself ‘I’m someone’s mother now, perhaps I should tone it down.’ This stems in part from a pervasive thought that society as a collective has, that mothers should not and cannot be sexual. When we come across a mother who exudes sexuality or is confident in said sexuality, there is an idea that somehow, in embracing her sexuality, she is a “bad mother”.
Clearly, being a sexual being was the route that got me to motherhood. At least that’s a safe assumption, so why pray tell, is that an aspect of my personality that has to be abandoned now that I have a child? I personally feel that this notion of that this duality cannot exist within the same body coincides with the idea that being a good mother has to do with a level of self-sacrifice that is simply not healthy or natural. My physical appearance and how I confident I feel about myself is not directly correlated to how I parent or how nurturing I am. The implication is always that by taking care of yourself, you are somehow neglecting your child because you can't possibly do both. By the way, I have noticed that fathers are never judged in this way.
I wonder why we are still trying to dictate and define who women should be and are expected to be in this day and age. As if women cannot be multidimensional and have to be confined to very strict archetypes rather than allowed to be complicated, intricate and not easily defined.
What are your thoughts? Are you a mother who agrees that you can be both a mother and sexy? Or have you come to believe your "sexy days" are over? Are you a man who has something to say about this topic? Speak on it!
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Love x Light